Three Reasons To Be Excited About The Noah Movie

Yesterday morning, I started my day in a foul mood due to some crazy things Christians were posting on the internet about the new Noah movie.  These comments and articles were not from people who rushed out to a midnight showing so why were they so fired up? From what I can gather: they are unhappy an atheist made this movie and they don't like that there will be differences from the original story.  They may have had other reasons but I didn't get any further than that before getting upset. 

Luckily, I am on vacation with some pretty awesome friends and got to rant about it to them. They let me vent and together we came up with tons of reasons why we think the making of this movie is awesome. I am going to give you three of them and would love to hear your reasons in the comments below. 

1. An Atheist found something so attractive about God's story that he decided it was worth the investment of his time and money. THAT IS A WIN!

We should be celebrating the fact that a big time "Atheist" Hollywood director found something so attractive in the story of Noah that he decided it was worth investing not only his time and money but also his career and reputation into making a movie about this short story.  Just to give you a little perspective (and this is just based on a wikipedia search), The Passion of Christ had a $30 million budget. This film, Noah, had a $130-160 million budget. 

What if Christians showed their support of Noah and sent the message to Hollywood that there actually is a market for these films. Maybe more directors, producers and actors would consider it worth investing their own resources. Maybe screenwriters would start reading The Bible in search of new content to write about.

2. For the first time, we can watch a movie based on The Bible with our non-Christian friends without making them feel like we are trying to trick them into salvation. 

This isn't the first biblically based movie but it's by far the first film (I know of) with completely non-religious buy-in.  The Passion, Son of God, God's Not Dead are all movies made for Christians. They are not movies I would ever feel comfortable inviting my non-Christian friends and family to. I know they wouldn't be interested and it would clearly come across as though I had a not-so-secret agenda of coercing them into getting saved. Doing that to them would be insulting.  

Noah, however, opens up a completely different door. This movie was not made by Christians. It also wasn't made for Christians. It was made with a BIG time Hollywood budget, cast and crew. There is, for the first time, a chance that I could watch a biblical movie with friends of all faiths (and non-faiths) and even go out afterwards for coffee and discussion without it being weird or coming across as manipulative. 

3. There are tons of movies based on books and they never get it right, that can be a good thing! 

How many times have you read a book then gone and seen the movie? Let's assume I am not the only one to have done this tons of times. What's the first thing you do afterwards? No matter how good the movie was, you talk about all the ways it was different from the book (or true events it was based on).

"Why did they completely leave out Madge from The Hunger Games movies? Why didn't they have Aslan tell Peter he would have to lead without him in the battle of Narnia? Why didn't Dumbledore freeze Harry in that REALLY important scene in The Half Blood Prince?" 

Usually this is followed by passionate discussion and debate on whether or not these were necessary changes or omissions and often includes someone pulling out the book and rereading sections. If I've never read the book (and it was a good movie), I go out and get a copy or talk to people who have and ask them about it. For the integrity and popularity of the book, this is a good thing. It makes people curious. It opens up dialogue about both the book and the movie. 

As much as we hate the differences, we love them because they give us something to talk about. Why should this be any different with Noah? Are Christians afraid to engage in dialogue about their faith with someone who may not agree or are we actually afraid we may not be able to pick up on the differences because we aren't as familiar with scripture as we like to think?  Either way, our reasons are ridiculous.

Christians should be celebrating the fact that Hollywood is making a movie about an epic story in our Bible. We should be thrilled they are making God attractive in a way that we have failed to. We should be amazed that Hollywood is investing over 100 million dollars into a film that will open the door for us to talk about faith, God and spirituality with our friends. We should be challenged to read the story of Noah (Genesis 5-10). Most of all, before calling for boycotts and making fools of ourselves, we should be open to seeing if there is something God would like us to learn from this movie, from the scripture, and from our interactions with our friends and family.

What do you think? Will you go and watch Noah? What are your reasons for watching or not watching Noah?

"...But Whatever You Do..."

"I get so tired of people turning Dr. King into a dreamer.                               They made him safe. He was a revolutionary."                                                 -Doreen Loury, Sociology Professor at Arcadia University

Anyone can be a dreamer. It doesn't take much effort or skill. There's nothing dangerous, or even threatening, about a dreamer. Defining Dr. King as simply a dreamer is insulting to his memory. Yes, he was a dreamer but so are most of us. What set him apart was his refusal to be satisfied with dreaming. He refused to be refused. He kept moving forward. He continued to march on and requested the same of those around him.

Now some fifty years later, as I listen to the speeches, it isn't just the words of this inspiring man that stand out to me but the passion of the crowds shouting their agreement and I am left wondering, "When do we ever bother to get that fired up about something? What does it take to bring us to our feet or raise our arms with passion?"

We say we care about this cause or that but what are we doing about it? We take a stand by changing our profile picture to some symbol that tells the world (wait, no, tells our friends) we care, by clicking "share" or taking thirty seconds to sign an online petition but all of this just leaves me asking, "Do we actually care?"

Apathy wasn't an acceptable trait then and it shouldn't be now. When I listen to these speeches and hear the roar of the crowd; I am reminded that each of those individuals was also a dreamer who refused to be content with dreaming. They each had a passion inside setting them on fire and pushing them forward. Making a difference, then and now, requires action. We need to discover our own passion, our own fires and start marching forward or taking a stand.

What is it that gets you fired up? What will it take to bring you to your feet? 

Photo Source: www.ThinkAndGro.Com

A Letter To My Non-Christian Friends

Dear Friends,

If you know me, it's probably fair to say you know I'm a Christian (and a fairly odd one at that). This letter is not a trick to convert you but an effort to understand how to respect you, support you and love you better.

I'm always thinking and my brain is always running (even now, after the lights are out and I'm lying in bed). Often I've wondered, "How am I portraying myself? My passions? My beliefs? My values?" And "How am I being interpreted?" I imagine it isn't often the way in which I intended. 

Besides the fact that I volunteer with an organization called XXXCHURCH and spend my free time at porn conventions, I'm a fairly odd Christian because I can't say I always see things in the same way many other Christians do. There are some things I'm completely confident in while others I just can't wrap my head around. I'm often thrown by the arrogant way in which many Christians draw their lines in the sand on issues that I find blurry and confusing. In these moments, I imagine how much more frustrated I would be if I were you. I think of all the things I would like to say to these people and I wonder what you would say if we, Christians, would ever bother to humble ourselves enough to listen, what would you want to say? What would you want the Christians in your life to know or understand? 

I don't know if anyone else will bother to reflect upon your answers, but I can tell you now that I would consider it an honor. 

Thank you for being my friends!

Love,

Catherine 

Dear Devin - Day One

Dear Devin-

I've decided to start a new section on my blog in honor of you. Per your request, I will begin recording my strange anecdotes... because let's be real, getting up to do a monologue between the band's sets at the Brewery probably wouldn't have gone over very well.  I make no promises that this will happen on a regular basis... actually, I make no guarantee it will even happen a second time but here goes...

I think I may have messed up my neck tonight... I went to the Brewery to watch The Grove Band. I was surprised to see so many people I know there since I texted 65 people about the show and only 5 responded... but that has nothing to do with my neck. So towards the end of the night, someone (couldn't have been you, right?) suggested Stephen and I perform our critically acclaimed Foot Loose dance number. You know, the one that Kevin Bacon asked me to teach him.  It got way out of hand, people started taking our picture, the band stopped and offered us their tip jar, and at one point I think we developed some groupies who were getting just a bit too close for comfort. As fabulous as it was, once we stopped I realized my neck was starting to hurt. This was frustrating since I just went to the chiropractor this morning. Which reminds me... on the way to the Chiropractor, I got pulled over for speeding and not wearing my seatbelt (I won't argue the former, but the latter is ridiculous!).... But I will stop there because the point of this story was the dancing.

I am exhausted, my legs hurt and my feet were black from "kicking off the Sunday shoes" but all in all it was a fabulous night in Bryson City! Maybe next time you can join us and "cut loose"!

And this concludes "Dear Devin-Day One".

Love,
Catherine

P.S.
Please be sure to let Stephen know that I washed my feet and "Day 2, 3, 4, and 5" will not be including the statement, "Dear Devin - Day 5: My feet are still black."

P.P.S.
I may have exaggerated some of this story but overall that's how my night went...

My Friend, Liz Nance!

 How do you write about one of the most talented and creative writers/artists you know and expect it to match up to who they truly are?  

I don't have her way with words or her stroke with a paintbrush. But Liz Nance, is one of my favorite people. We've known each other for years, see each other all the time yet barely ever hang out. I was drawn to her from the moment I met her and didn't know why. Didn't know we'd become a family of sorts. On occasion, I am blessed by a random run-in that allows us to sit down and actually talk-about life, faith, challenges, loving people (when it's easy and when it is hard) and decision making. These moments are few and far between (for no good reason other than we both get distracted with life) but when they arise I'm always blown away by how deep her heart is, how strong her passion is and how joyful her spirit is. 

Liz is peaceful. She isn't loud or pushy (which is quite the opposite of me) and she shares her spirit with those around her. Every time I walk away from a conversation with Liz I feel refreshed and grateful that I know such a unique woman. But maybe more importantly (or maybe just because I'm selfish) I walk away with even more confidence in my self. There's something brave about Liz that makes you want to be brave. She matches the original description of Eve, "Ezer Kenegdo", a life saver coming through for those in need when there is no other hope. She was meant to be life saving and life giving. She inspires those around her to see the world and themselves more deeply and that's why she is one of my favorite people. 

Here's to you Liz and all the love and insight you (and AJ) have to offer the world!! Thanks for being my friend! 

Love Compels You To Do What?!

"So what's the deal with you and porn? Why do you go into porn shows?"

This is a very common question these days and I love it because it means I get to talk about something I am passionate about. I always do my best to answer but I don't always think I am getting my point across and after a friend of mine posted this picture of protestors at the Miami Convention this weekend I thought, "Wow, this picture really is worth a thousand words." I'd love to tell you the reason I feel so compelled to go into porn shows is so I don't get confused with this guy and although that's true, my reasoning goes so much deeper. 

God is all about relationship. He came into our messy, dirty world so we could know Him. He came to talk, to hug, to listen, to encourage, to offer Hope. He didn't stand outside people's homes and jobs telling them how horrible they were as they came and went. He climbed into their boats and went fishing with them. He entered their homes and reclined on their couches. He sat at their tables, ate with them and spent the night. 

I go IN TO porn shows, volunteer at the XXXCHURCH booth, walk around and hang out at other booths because it gives me the opportunity to build relationships with and get to know these girls. It gives me the chance to look them in the eye, learn their names (sometimes even their real names), put myself on their level and show them I don't think they're dirty. I get to become their friend and show them I really care by remembering them (and their name and the things they shared) the next time I see them.  And in the process, I earn the right to be heard without ever having to push my agenda because the only thing on my agenda is to hug, to listen, to encourage and to offer Hope and Love. As I listen, they share their stories and their hardships. They tell me what's it's really like working in this "glamorous" industry.  They share their dreams, their fears and their doubts. They tell me what they hear as they pass the picketers outside and how it makes them feel.  They ask me questions about my faith and what Jesus really thinks about them and I get to tell them because I was willing to cross the street and enter those dark doors.

I guess you could say, "I go into porn shows because Extravagant LOVE compels me to LOVE Extravagantly."


Want to help support this type of LOVE? I'm always fundraising and you can donate here. 
Have questions? Please ask! I LOVE talking about this!

Everybody's Got 'Em

My last post was in July. But now that I'm back from Australia I'm working on putting together an update for you all and mulling over ideas for remembering to say more on here. Stay tuned!

And while you're waiting, check out XXXCHURCH.com so you can get resourced and learn a little more about what we were doing in Australia.

What's in store? A life of porn....

I am excited to announce I have been invited to join the XXXChurch team for two incredible outreaches in the next year. First, I will be returning to EXXXotica NJ in November 2012, and in the spring of 2013, I will be joining the XXXChurch International team in Australia.

This type of outreach can be very expensive because "showing up" the XXXChurch way involves actually showing up in the lives of those we are trying to reach, and this means renting a booth at the show. There is also the cost of travel, lodging and the unique "Jesus loves Porn Stars" bibles, stickers and other items we give away to the more than 28,000 people we meet at each event.
The idea of giving to this type of outreach might freak you out. It isn’t the typical and usually comfortable missions work most are used to. This isn’t Operation Christmas Child; we aren’t collecting school supplies, we aren’t giving our doggy bag to the homeless person we pass on the street. Those are all kind acts, but outreach to the sex industry falls in an entirely different category. It takes understanding, investment and time. It involves building relationships with; seeing the beauty in; and truly loving individuals who most deem unlovable, dirty and offensive. But it is needed, desperately needed. The men and women working in this industry (and consuming their products) need to know they are valuable. They need to know they are not failures. They need to know they matter and are loved.

The majority of these individuals were sexually abused as children, they were stripped of their worth and made to feel dirty. Many of them were trafficking victims and have only ever known survival through a world of sex. Most want to leave the industry but feel they have no other means for survival. That’s where XXXChurch comes in. We won’t tell anyone to leave the industry, we won’t tell them to become Christians (honestly, that isn’t our goal), but we will tell them they are loved. And when they ask us what we do, we will tell them: “XXXChurch.com is a nonprofit Christian website with resources for individuals who are in over their heads with pornography and support for individuals working in the industry who are interested in a career change.”

I know what you are thinking, “But your goal really is to get them to quit, right?” No. That is not my goal and that is not XXXChurch’s goal. I want these men and women to know they are valuable. That is my goal. And yes, ultimately as a result of knowing how valuable they are, they will walk away, but if an individual walks away from the industry without knowing their worth, then I have still failed.

So whether you are or are not a Christian and whether you are or are not a fan of porn, if you feel like this is something you can believe in, please consider helping me raise $5000. You can give one time or you can give a small amount each month. Either way, I greatly appreciate it and promise that it will make a lasting impact on someone’s life.

You can give by following this link:
https://www.myxxxchurch.com/campaigns/view/catherinesmith.html


This photo is from EXXXotica NJ 2011. He was the recipient of the final bible we had with us.

Porn, Strippers, XXX... and Jesus?!

      

If you pay any attention to my Facebook posts or News Feed I am sure you have some questions about what it is I was doing in Pasadena last weekend. Actually you probably just have a lot of questions in general about the things I post.

I've been spending the last few months (since November when the above video was made) trying to figure out a way to explain it to all of you. I'm still not sure I know how but I'm going to try.

I believe we, men and women, were created by God to do huge things. We were not created to do life alone. We were created to experience life not only through relationship with others but also through relationship with the one who created us. I believe the best way for us to succeed in life, the best way to do life well, is by partnering with the one who designed us.

I also believe, from my own personal experiences, that many people are believing the lie that they are on their own to navigate life. We (people) are broken and searching for meaning and looking to the wrong things for that sense of worth and purpose. Unfortunately as we search for a means of escape and fulfillment we find ourselves feeling even more alone, let down and unfulfilled.

This longing for love, purpose, validation and value is why men and women work in the sex industry. This longing and brokenness is why the sex industry grosses more annually than the MLB, NFL, NBA and NHL combined. These men and women (consumers and producers/entertainers)are here because they are believing the voice that tells them this is as good as it gets. They are believing the lie that this will bring fulfillment, approval and love. They are also believing the lie that they have to keep coming back to keep that feeling of security, belonging and acceptance from fleeing.

Maybe I haven't worked in the sex industry but it isn't because I didn't believe that lie and I'm willing to bet you have believed it too. The truth is, even if we aren't struggling with bondage connected to the sex industry we do still have an underlying issue that is the same.

And that is why my heart breaks. That is why I am so passionate about this. That is why I must invest my life in these women (and men). Because I can't know the truth and not share it.

I know how I felt as I searched for answers, security, love and belonging. I know how lost I was and I not only see that when I look into the eyes of the men and women I meet at the porn shows and strip clubs but also when I look into the eyes of so many of you, my family and friends. I can't go through life ignoring that brokenness. I can't pretend it isn't there. I can't pretend I don't see it. I can't pretend I don't know.

Oh! And to answer your question about all those crazy posts

and what I was doing in Pasadena....

I'm partnering with XXXChurch.com and StripChurch to provide resources, support, truth and encouragement to men and women affected by involvement in the sex industry either as consumers or entertainers/producers.

XXXChurch.com is a non profit website that provides support through various resources for individuals who struggle with pornography addictions. They also provide resources for family members of men and women struggling with addictions and resources and support for individuals working in the industry.

StripChurch is a partner organization to XXX Church. They reach out to women working in strip clubs by loving them beyond measure and encouraging them through prayer, testimony and God's truths, in order to help them realize how valuable they are.

Can't Help Falling In Love...

The world loves to make us think that love is beyond control. The world tells us that we can't help who we fall in love with, just like in the song, "Can't Help Falling In Love".  But maybe we just like thinking that it is out of our control because then we don't have to take responsibility for our behavior, words and actions. Plus, if love is outside of our control then we have an excuse for when we "fall out of love" and abandon it all.

Maybe we like thinking of love as some magical gift from the Universe, God or the Fates that must be pursued. And in a way, I think this is true but only when referring to the Divine's version of love and not the world's.   

God is love and we are made in His image. We are called to do what He does and that is love without holding back, love when it isn't necessary, love when it isn't deserved. Just Love. So in a way, I don't think we have control over that but I do think Satan has twisted this natural thing created by God. He has skewed the definition by injecting it with lust, impatience, loneliness, selfishness and insecurity. He has put our natural instinct to love on steroids and instructed us on ways to show this love and he has lied to us.

But really... Love is sacrifice. Look at Christ, how he lived and how he died (all by choice). Really what we do with love is a choice. Loving should not be considered under our control. Love really is not a choice when you recognize who's image you bear. We were made to love but what we choose to do with love is a choice. How we choose to respond to love is a choice. We are responsible for our choices, actions and words. Maybe we can't help who we love but we can take responsibility for how we love and who's model we will follow; God's or the world's.

The Voices In Your Head

What do you tell yourself when you are lying in bed alone? Being left alone too long with your own thinking can be dangerous. If someone else walked up and said these things, how would you react? Would you be offended, get angry, just accept them or agree?  I tend to think we would get angry and offended so why do we allow ourselves to hurl these insults?

In The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe Edmund is put under a spell by The White Witch when he eats the Turkish Delight she gave him.  From that very moment, thoughts that are not his own begin to take root in his mind.  The thoughts are so deceptive and the roots so deep that Edmund is not even able to realize they are not his own.

Be sure you are guarding your heart, your mind and your thoughts. Meditate on the truth so that you will be able to recognize anything that is not. Don't allow your thoughts to become aligned with the enemy. Don't take even one bite of the Turkish Delight (actually don't even step foot in the sleigh). Start speaking truth and stating things that align with you REALLY are!

Challenge: Pick ten things that are great about you and start speaking them over your life daily.  If you are having trouble coming up with ideas, ask a friend or ask me! I think you are great!

Once Upon A Time...

The world keeps trying to sell me fairy tales. It used to just be the idea of a fairy tale but every now and then it actually tries to hand me one of my own. I'm not sure how I feel about that....

You see, the problem with fairy tales is that the only thing they are actually good for is telling really great stories. They aren't real and they always end way too soon. They don't give you the whole story or the whole picture. Fairy tales don't tell you about the "ever after". And what if the "ever after" doesn't look at all like you imagined?

What if "ever after" is actually late nights arguing about all the time your husband spends at work and not with you and your children? What if "ever after" is accompanied by a husband that falls into alcohol or drug addictions? What if "ever after" is an occasional night with your kids at the local Holiday Inn because you don't want to be around "Prince Charming" and his verbal abuse? What if "ever after" is boredom accompanied by a desire to gain affections from strangers and comfort from pornography?

They say love is blind but I just think it's selective. All the warning signs are usually there but we choose not to heed their warnings because we would rather enjoy the fairy tale. It isn't that we didn't see them. It's that we chose to sweep them under the carpet. We like to think things will change. We like to think we can fix things. We like to see the good in people and imagine the best. We like to pretend we can't see the truth. We like pretending we are blind because then we don't have to take responsibility.

But five, ten, thirty years from now when we are no longer in the "once upon a time" stage and instead in the midst of "ever after" will we wish we had taken some time to consider what our "ever after" would look like?

 

Pharisee, Disciple, Believer or Rich Man, Who Are You?

How often do you hear people say,"It was so easy for people who were alive when Jesus was alive. They didn't have to deal with doubt and faith. They could just ask Jesus whatever they wanted." But really was it?

Jesus wasn't the first man to show up and perform miracles, he wasn't the first one to have followers. Just like we often find ourselves saying, "Is that you, God?" The people of his time were doing the same. They wanted to be faithful, they didn't want to jump ahead of God and they wanted Him to fit inside their box of understanding so that they would clearly recognize Him when he arrived.

Before we judge the people of that time for being "completely stupid" and missing the point, I have to ask, 'Haven't we all been there?' Maybe instead of trying to understand, predict or fit God into a box, they could have spent that energy on getting to know Him, His heart, His reactions and His character. If the Pharisees had done this, I think they would have recognized him.

As I dig deeper into scripture, I come across the story of a very rich man (Mark 10).  This man had been "good" his entire life, he had honored his mother and father and been faithful.  It even sounds like he really truly believed that Jesus was who he said he was.  But when Jesus asked the man to leave everything behind and "come follow me" his heart was heavy because he was holding on tight to a lot of things. I don't think the man really believed that any of these material things were more important than Jesus. I just think he was afraid.  It was too much, too fast and Jesus was asking him to dive in way past his comfort zone.  Unfortunately the man missed out on incredible blessings and the greatest relationship he would ever know because he couldn't bring himself to trust. 

I might not be having a problem with an abundance of money but there are things he is continuously asking me to let go of...  some of these things are harder than others to let go of and well... sometimes I have to ask him to pry it out of my hand because I just don't know how to let go.

So if we were each to take a role in the stories who would you be? Would you doubt him? Deny him? Abandon everything to follow him? Chase him down when you had a need? Or decide that following him is just too risky?

Watching The Sunrise...

When we go out of our way for God, he goes out of his way for us. 

Did you ever notice how every couple seems to have "a place"? You know, the place they return to whenever they want a romantic getaway.  Maybe it's the park where they first held hands, or the town they went away to on their honeymoon. Maybe it's the city they went to college in.  For whatever reason that place holds a special place in their heart, that is the place they can go and be reminded of their love for one another.  It's the place they go to fall in love again.

If you know anything about me, you know that if I could be anywhere I would be on a quiet beach.  It's my quiet place, my resting place, my outdoor sanctuary, it's my place with God.  It's our emergency getaway place, the place where he captures my heart all over again.

Another thing you should know about me is that I HATE to get up early.  If you can get me to wake up early (and actually be cheerful about it) then you should feel pretty special because it means you are important to me!

Last weekend, I was in Virginia Beach with some girls from True North for the Devoted Conference (this was written a year ago after the 2011 Devoted).  We were literally there for less than 48 hours and had many, many amazing things to do during that time. I was incredibly encouraged and touched by the worship and the speakers but found myself yearning for something more as we bounced around from activity to activity.  Although I was in the Lord's presence, I was craving time alone with Him. Time I wouldn't have to share with anyone else.  I was so desperate for this time that I tried to convince the girls I was staying with that it was completely safe and okay for me to go out on the beach at 11:00 Friday night.  They wouldn't allow it.  So... I went to bed disappointed because I knew that we were leaving the following morning and I would not get to meet with God in our place.

As I lay in bed that night I realized what I needed to do, what I wanted to do but only wished could come later in the day.  God was asking me to meet him for an early morning sunrise date.  As excited as I was to watch the sunrise there was very little excitement over getting up at 6:00 when it was already after 1am but hey, we do crazy things when we're in love...

FAST FORWARD TO THE MORNING....

Everyone was sleeping as I snuck around the room looking for warm clothes, shoes and socks.  I wondered to myself what they would think about me going on the beach this early (since they didn't want me to go so late) and I wondered if I should tell someone... but was reminded of one of the conference speakers' words, "My faith is stronger than my fear" and I told myself that I would be perfectly safe because God had called me out on this date and he would watch over me. 

As I walked out the door of the hotel and down the street towards the beach a line from a song played over and over in my head, "Your love never fails. It never gives up, it never runs out on me..."

I thought about the clouds and how on really cloudy days you can't really see the sun rise but they are used to make the event so spectacular. I realized that the clouds in our lives are what add the beauty to the bigger events for us and I kept on walking....

Then, as I stepped off the "boardwalk" (anyone from Jersey knows this is not an actual boardwalk) and into the sand my heart leapt within me as the waves crashed into the air greeting me. 

As always the little girl in me began asking for a "present".  "I would really, really love to see a dolphin (it's the thing I ask for every time I am at the beach) or some star fish or some other rare occurance, just romance me!"  Everytime I am on the beach I begin to say to myself, "Maybe this time I will get a present..." This time God's response really got my attention, "You can't go looking and asking for gifts.  No one likes to give a surprise present to someone who is constantly begging and asking for it.  Even worse, the person who receives can not enjoy the gift-giver's heart because of all the pressure they put on them."  (I had a friend in college who ruined her boyfriend's proposal this way.  By the time he proposed she had basically said everything short of "just give me the ring")  Then He added, "Just wait for my blessing. (that sure applies in a lot of areas)"

So, I continued walking, knowing that I really didn't need any dolphins or star fish to make my date with God special.  I started pouring out my heart to God and then something stopped me.  I remembered something someone had said over the weekend, "Sometimes we get upset because God isn't answering our questions but maybe we are asking the wrong questions."  So, I changed my approach, "God I've already told you my heart's desires, I've already told you my fears and concerns.  You know them all.  What do you want to hear?  What do you want to say?"  And then, I continued walking. 

I begin to notice a huge ridge of clouds above the horizon.  Somewhere behind the clouds lies the sun. 

"He will reveal the hidden things." The sun is somewhere behind the clouds. I see it shining through a crack. I don't see the sun. Just its shine and that is reflecting on the water. What's in us shines through to those around us even when people don't see the Son (the reason for our glow) But "He will reveal the hidden things".

I find myself asking, "What do you want to hear? What do you want to say..." and then, I am interrupted by this, "Sit."  So I sit.....

Wow! There it is! There's the sun. The sun just rose in that crack and lit up the entire sky. It revealed itself and now the glow is even greater. The clouds, the water, everything has the glow... and I hear, "Can I just tell you that I love you?"

When he said sit, I could have kept going... But man, what a behold moment!!!   The sun was soon hidden again behind the next line of clouds but the extra glow was still there and then WOW, it was risen for good above all of the clouds.  No longer hidden. Clear for all to see. "Now I can see all of you and it's radiant! I can hardly look.  You're brighter than ever and glowing on my face."

5-12-10

Tonight I came across something I wrote in my writer's notebook during senior year of college... 

Why do we all think we need to fit a mold? Why do we buy into the lie that if we aren't a size 3, 120 lbs, tan, gorgeous with the most fashionable clothes, the correct accessories and a man that looks like he was pulled from the most recent Abercrombie photo shoot that there is something wrong with us?  And even when we decide those things are not what we want, we are still not satisfied because we feel judged by the world.
 
And if the pressure to meet the appearance expectations isn't strong enough there is also the expectation of meeting the life stages mold.  Meaning by a certain age we should be finishing college,settling down, getting a job, building a career, getting engaged, planning a wedding, getting married and having children.

So what if I am graduating college after five years and still don't really know what I want to do?  So what if I have walked away from romantic men that melted my heart because something just didn't feel right? Is there something wrong with me for getting irritated when guys constantly read into me being nice and at the same time get irritated with the guys I do like for not being able to tell the difference?

Why do all my friends think that just because I am the token single friend that they should be setting me up with people? What's the hurry?

What if we all made the choice to step out on our own, to face our fears of being alone, to explore the person we see everyday in the mirror, to set goals and accomplish them, to honor others, to make a list (and continually add to it) of the things we love about ourselves, to have the courage to dance, to exercise and eat healthy simply because it makes us feel good, to eat the chocolate cake no matter who is looking, to forgive, to learn to play drums, speak Italian or surf, to take trips with our girlfriends and to be open to love (in whatever form it comes)? What if we stopped saying someday and started saying today?

There's a reason people don't take helicopter rides to the top of Mt. Everest, the excitement isn't at the top, it's during the trials and experiences on the way up.  Today is the day to start enjoying the journey.  Today is the day we will tell our grand kids about.

Is It Worth Losing Your Life?

Last Fall, one of the classes I assisted with was a Driver's Education course. My students had to watch a documentary called, "The Last Text" (It's only 10 minutes, please watch it). It really got me thinking not only about the ways in which I have put myself in danger but the ways in which I have endangered others by texting or calling them when I know they are driving.  But then I shrugged off the feeling because it was just too difficult to break the habit. Plus I figured I was being safe.... Then tonight I came home and found this note from my grand father at the bottom of an article about distracted drivers. I decided that even if I think I am being safe the risk just isn't worth it anymore.

"I'm having you read this because we love you very much + I don't want to go to a funeral."

I never want my attempt to communicate with you to be the reason I never get to speak to you again.  If you are reading this, please know I value your life! There is a huge purpose for it and I don't want anything to get in the way of that. I am sorry for thinking I am smarter than this. Tomorrow everything changes.



Please watch this video and join me in asking the following question with every decision you make in the car, "Is this worth losing my life?" I even challenge you to ask me how I am doing with this because my life and your life is more valuable than checking my email at a red light, letting you know, "I will be right there" or tweeting the most exciting thing I have seen in the last two minutes.

Wishes and Whys

Sometimes what life throws at us is beyond unfair. Sometimes the lemons are so sour we can't imagine ever being able to make lemonade out of it. Sometimes it seems life has conquered us and not the other way around.

Six months ago one of my best and oldest friends died of an accidental overdose. I realize many could read this and stereotype her into a certain image in their heads. But Brandi is more than a statistic. She was a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a niece, a cousin, a friend and a mother. She can't be defined by the product of her experiences. I will only allow her to be defined by her heart and its actions. Brandi loved, she sacrificed, she dreamed, and she cared.

Brandi and her son, Ethan, the day he was born.

I have found myself asking the question,"why?" a lot over the last six months. "Why did she die? Why, God, didn't you intervene? Why, God, didn't you have a better plan? Why did she take that pill? Why! Why? Why!?" There are so many whys and most of them I pushed aside simply so that I could find a way to continue functioning because there was nothing in me to give to finding answers. There are so many things I don't know and only a few that I do.

I know that I wish I could have told her I loved her just a few more times. I wish I would have hugged her just a little bit longer. I wish I would have called her a thousand more times. I wish I had told her again how incredible she was. I wish I would have known to not take those moments for granted. I wish...I wish...I wish... Tonight I might sit here and write her a birthday letter with everything I wish I had said but it won't do any good because it is too late.

But there's one wish that does still matter and it's everything I wish I could tell you. I wish we would take the focus off ourselves and step out of our bubbles. I wish we would stop worrying what people will think and simply be honest about what we love about each other. I wish we would figure out how to make more time for each other and the memories that will matter. I wish we would hug a little longer. I wish we would tell each other what makes the other so fantastic. I wish we would forgive a little easier and love a lot more. I wish we would see what it is often too late to see.

Go make your friends see what they are worth to the world so you will never have to say, "I wish". And by doing so you will be helping to remove some of the sour from the lemons I'm trying to make into lemonade. And hey, by the way..... I love you! Seriously!

"Life's Like This..."

I have this faint memory from the ninth grade. It was a Thursday in the Fall of 2001. I was in the girls' bathroom of the 800 building at AC Flora High School, a building that I'm pretty sure no longer exists.

This cute, little blond girl started talking to me. We had a class together but I didn't really know her. I was new to the district, new to the town, new to the state and new to the south. Basically, I was just new and I'm sure it was plastered all over me. I was 14 and clueless. Luckily, so was she. After all, who isn't in the ninth grade?

She invited me to go to opening day at the fair that night. I don't remember anything about it but I know we were almost instantly best friends.

One of my favorite memories is the afternoon we got out the video camera and choreographed a music video to Avril Lavigne's "Complicated," complete with costume changes and multiple settings (If I ever find it... I will post it). I swear this song seems to play on the radio much more often since she's been gone and every time I hear it I ache for one more chance to tell her how special she is. But still, I'm thankful to hear it because it gives me the chance to remember her carefree smile and laugh before the world came along with all of its destruction, let downs and heart break.

It's a moment I can look to and rid myself of the haunting memory of the pain that lingered behind each smile in her last few years. A pain that I knew existed and yet failed to find a way to remove.  For a moment, I'm taken back to innocence and ignorance. A time when we still had the chance to achieve every dream we'd ever dreamt. A time when we were responsible for nothing but homework.



*Brandi, saying "Happy Birthday" seems like such a bizarre thing to say today but either way you should know that you aren't forgotten and you are just as loved as ever.*

Dear Catherine, It's Me, God...

*So... did you think the last post was crazy? If you didn't read it, you must go read that first. Otherwise, this is pointless....  Ok, did you read it?  Ok, now get ready for some more crazy. Sometimes when I am writing... things come out on the paper that I did not plan to write.  Sometimes when I am on the treadmill at the gym or driving in the car, God tells me things. I have never heard him audibly but I still know he talks to me. After all, I am his daughter.  THIS is a compilation of things he has said to me in response to the compilation of my prayers in the earlier post. I told you it was crazy, but bear with me. I think you might be able to get something out of it.*


Hi Beautiful,

Remain patient. I know you are tired of hearing me say this. I know it frustrates you when you can't interpret my time table. So don't worry about it. Allow me to take care of everything. There are many factors coming into play that you are unaware of. Some of these things will be revealed in time but others will remain hidden.
I know it is hard but try not to trust your own instincts or emotions. They have become flawed by the world. Instead, seek my voice and listen to Wisdom. For you know your emotions have failed you every other time, my voice will never lead you astray.

I know you are wondering where he is or if he is currently in your life. I hear you asking, "What is my role in all of this? God, what do you want me to do? Does he even notice me the way I notice him?"

The answer has been here all along. You are my daughter and I am the King. You, my dear, do not have to do a thing. Allow me, as your father, to do everything. Any man worthy of my princess must seek me out first. I will share with him the plan for your lives. He will be overtaken by your heart and wonder because it reminds him of me. As he seeks me, I will reveal to him how to seek you.

On the days when you wonder how he will know to seek me, trust in knowing that the man I have chosen for you is full of wisdom and knows my voice.

Finally, my dear, be yourself, be yourself, be yourself! Be beautiful, be quirky, be vibrant. That is, after all, who I created you to be.

You are fun and love life. You are encouraging and loving. The man I have chosen is head over heels for you because of all of that.

When you are overwhelmed wondering what is taking him so long remember you have caught him off guard. In his eyes, you are a shooting star that just fell out of heaven and into his lap.

And Baby Girl (who knew God would call me that? I didn't), I know you want me to get started already and I have. You must remember to have respect for the long term goal. In order to finish the race, you must take every step of every mile along the way. And yes, as you know from your running experience, it requires your full participation along the way.

Princess, I am so proud of you. Keep moving forward and pursuing your calling. Keep chasing me. There is a reason you have been called to this time alone. This task requires all of you.

Love

Dear God, It's Me, Catherine

*I realize I might regret this but I believe in being honest and I really hope it can help others to be as well. This is a combination of prayers I have written and spoken. Some are from a little while back and some are more recent.*



Dear God!!!!!

      Would you please tell me what is going on?   Is anything going on?  I guess it could be nothing. You said, "Be Patient."

       You said, "I'm going to teach some men how to pursue and you are going to learn patience along the way."

        Well, I've been learning a lot about patience over the years and I'm just curious, when do the pursuit lessons begin? How long could you possibly intend for this lesson to last? I guess I don't have enough patience yet.

        You keep telling me to allow you to take care of everything but the world says I should be proactive. The world keeps telling me to take matters into my own hands. You keep telling me just to trust you. You keep trying to remind me that I can't see what you see.

         God, how will I ever learn to trust my heart? It has failed me so many times in the past. Will you give me your instincts and your eyes? Help me remember, I don't need to be his best friend. He does not need to know everything.

          God, I say I want to know what is going on but honestly, I don't. I know I whine a lot but I like it this way. It's difficult at times but I wouldn't trade this experience for anything. I look at it like Christmas. I know the present is coming and I know it's going to be AMAZING and I can't wait to know what it is but I really do want to wait.  I'm sorry for whining, I really do trust you to do your thing.

          In the mean time, thanks for giving me the opportunity to live in the unknown. Help me not to miss a moment of it.

                                                                                              Love, Catherine

*Be on the lookout for part two.  "Dear Catherine, It's Me, God"*


*Disclaimer: I just want to make sure I am being clear.  This is in no way a complaint that there are not amazing guys all around me. I am not whining. I am not asking for anything different. I do not want nor need a change of scenery. That would only add more guys to the list of incredible friends. I am simply being honest about something we all (guys and girls) whine about at times.*