My Friend, Liz Nance!

 How do you write about one of the most talented and creative writers/artists you know and expect it to match up to who they truly are?  

I don't have her way with words or her stroke with a paintbrush. But Liz Nance, is one of my favorite people. We've known each other for years, see each other all the time yet barely ever hang out. I was drawn to her from the moment I met her and didn't know why. Didn't know we'd become a family of sorts. On occasion, I am blessed by a random run-in that allows us to sit down and actually talk-about life, faith, challenges, loving people (when it's easy and when it is hard) and decision making. These moments are few and far between (for no good reason other than we both get distracted with life) but when they arise I'm always blown away by how deep her heart is, how strong her passion is and how joyful her spirit is. 

Liz is peaceful. She isn't loud or pushy (which is quite the opposite of me) and she shares her spirit with those around her. Every time I walk away from a conversation with Liz I feel refreshed and grateful that I know such a unique woman. But maybe more importantly (or maybe just because I'm selfish) I walk away with even more confidence in my self. There's something brave about Liz that makes you want to be brave. She matches the original description of Eve, "Ezer Kenegdo", a life saver coming through for those in need when there is no other hope. She was meant to be life saving and life giving. She inspires those around her to see the world and themselves more deeply and that's why she is one of my favorite people. 

Here's to you Liz and all the love and insight you (and AJ) have to offer the world!! Thanks for being my friend! 

".... A Fun New Journey!"

Don't you love when Facebook pops up with an old status update in your side bar? It almost always makes me smile. Today, it gave me my status from one year ago (August 22, 2010). I had just moved back to NJ after being away for ten years and was experiencing my first Sunday away from The Grove.
           
Upon the suggestion of my Aunt I went to visit a church she suggested that morning. Maybe my guard was up, maybe it was just too soon, maybe I was being extra critical because I know what I like and don't like about churches or maybe it just wasn't the right time. For whatever reason, my insides didn't scream, "THIS IS IT!" when I walked in the door or at all while I was there. People were nice enough, I introduced myself to the Senior Pastor and he was very genuinely excited to meet me. He insisted his wife would love to meet me as well but was unfortunately in a meeting. Instead he introduced me to his daughter who was also really sweet and I knew I could be friends with her. But off I went, disappointed that I hadn't found the church for me.

Playing in the snow with some of
my favorite Grove women!

As I returned home from church, I began receiving text messages from friends at The Grove in response to the "What's Happening At The Grove" video featuring my goodbye.This only made me miss my normal Sunday routine more, my "Monkeys" and "KangaRoos" (their smiles, giggles and cries), the specialty coffee bar, David King and his smile at the back door as Jodi and I wander around trying to remember all the random little things we think we can leave till the last minute, Leroy and Fannie stopping by my desk with trays of pastries as they come upstairs from the kitchen to stock the coffee bar, fighting Jeff for the opportunity to use the printer and copier followed by a sarcastic comment of some sort which really means how much he loves having me on the team, Autumn and Eliana, followed by Greg and Paula (insert the names of any family with a toddler here) coming down the hallway as they announce Emma Grace has wandered off again, all soundtracked by the amazing group of talented musicians practicing down the hall.

I can't imagine my life without these
beautiful and inspiring women!

I reminded myself in that moment that The Grove is unique and the relationships I found there could never be replaced but that at the same time I knew God had called me to NJ and it was time to move forward and trust him. So at 11:54am, I updated my Facebook with the following, "missing the Grove this morning but trying really hard to be open minded." Among the many responses was this note from my dear friend, Sarah Speier, "You are on a fun new journey! ENJOY IT!"

Well, it is now a year later and I can announce that it truly has been an amazing journey! Almost every expectation I came with has been shattered but I am in no way hung up on that. After that Sunday, I decided to just attend my Aunt's church until I figured out where I needed to be. I always knew it would be temporary but I felt like it was important to get plugged in with people while I was there. I made some amazing friends during that time and was so amazingly challenged and encouraged by so many beautiful people. The message each and every week was right on target with the challenges I was facing and I was able to just soak it all in and get charged for my week. God was definitely at work through it all but it was just a layover, not my final destination.

On a Friday, in late October, almost exactly two months after first visiting, I felt that I was supposed to go back to that first church. So... off I went. I can't say anything profound happened that day. But I believe there are two things that spoke to my heart and said, "This is where you belong." The first is that an usher sat me in the second or third row and these girls (I am pretty sure they were teenagers, sitting in the front row) realized I was sitting alone and decided to make me sit with them. I have no clue who they were and at first I was a little thrown off by the fact that they were so young but in the end I was just impressed by their boldness and excited spirits. The second defining moment was when the Senior Pastor saw me and gave me a big hug. I realize to many people this may sound strange and I don't necessarily believe he hugs everyone who visits once and returns two months later but he is an old friend of my Aunt and Uncle so I think that is why I got a hug. But for me, that hug said a lot.

Just two months earlier, I had walked away from more than just a church, a job or some friends. I had walked away from a family. I had brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts, moms and dads, grandfathers and grandmothers. I had people who valued me and loved me unconditionally. I had people who challenged me and saw past my flaws. And I had DADS, men to encourage and cherish, to serve and to exemplify Christ. Because of my background, because that was something I did not grow up with God used the faithful men at The Grove to fill that void. But amongst all of that, I also played a role. I was a sister, a daughter, an aunt, granddaughter and strange as it sounds, even a mom. And although I had been making friends and being encouraged at my aunt's church I still felt like just another face in the crowd.  I still felt like someone attending an event and I wasn't sure what more my role there was.  As I said before I love these people (it just wasn't where I was supposed to be) and I found friends in the crowd but I did not find brothers and sisters.  I didn't find moms and dads, grandmothers or grandfathers and well, the only aunt and uncle I found were really my aunt and uncle.

When I received that hug, I was acknowledged and welcomed. It said, "You mean something, you are valuable, we want you here and there is a role for you here." I can't say anything dramatic happened right away but I knew that was where I was going to be on Sunday mornings. A week or two later I attended a women's event and was introduced to a lot of people and slowly began to build connections and get involved with a reality group and a team. I've now been a part of True North for almost ten months and at times it almost makes me sick to think about how blessed I am.  After such a bizarre year, I find myself with even more joy and that is crazy!

So many people are missing out on the best life has to offer, they are sleeping through life or as my good friend, Katie (yeah, the Senior Pastor's daughter that I knew I could be friends with) would say, "They are zombies. Not dead but not alive. Just walking around bumping into things." They have no real direction, purpose, excitement or passion.




I'm blessed to be living this life! I got to spend five weeks back in May and June at The Grove visiting my NC family and working with my old team. It was a beautiful blessing that added to my year but the most exciting part was knowing that while I was enjoying every millisecond there I had another incredible family up in NJ waiting for me to return. The Grove is not True North and True North is not The Grove.

At True North, I'm getting to be a little sister, a big sister, a daughter and a friend. I have people speaking into my life and I have the opportunity to speak into other's lives. I'm surrounded by men and women (really young, sort of young and old) who LOVE Jesus and pursue him on a daily basis. Their faith is alive and a part of their everyday lives. I am surrounded by people who are LOVING life. For us it isn't about striving to survive, it is about enjoying every moment, not wasting a blessing, living fully aware! I'm blessed to have these people walking alongside me, lifting me up when I'm hurting, encouraging and challenging me with deep conversation and cracking me up on a regular basis.  The struggles still come, the questions and worry still creep up but none of that competes with the joy that comes through fully and actively engaging in life.

As the blessings continue to exceed my expectations I can't help but wonder, "What will Facebook be saying another year from now?" 

I love you all and I am so thankful that I get to experience life with you! 

"You will rejoice and no one will take away your joy."  John 16:22

The Best is Yet to Come...

Sometimes things happen in life that we just don't understand.  Last summer, I was so sure that God was leading me to take that trip.  Everything came together so easily, I even wrote in my journal one night that the only way it wouldn't happen is if God did something drastic.  The next day, I got the phone call about the job up here in Camden.  So the plans changed... and just because I felt like God was leading me didn't mean I didn't have questions about how it all happened...

Graduating college and entering the real world is a hard enough transition but moving 600 miles and walking away from The Grove (and my college friends) was the hardest decision.  For years, I swore I would never live in Bryson City but then I found The Grove.  I will never forget walking in the doors that very first Sunday.  I knew I was home.  The Grove is not a building, The Grove is a family and a community.  The Grove is leaders and people who are willing to challenge you for the sake of your own growth.  Anyone who knows me, knows I have been through a lot over the past 24 years.  While at The Grove, God gave me sisters, brothers, moms, aunts, grandmothers and dads.  He fulfilled each and every one of my needs.  He spoke wisdom into my life through Godly woman and men.  He gave me friends who supported my decisions and only allowed me to accept the very best in my life and never settle (for anything or anyone). He put people in my life to help heal me, encourage and teach me. I don't know who I would be today if it weren't for them.  For that reason, I didn't want to leave but I knew from experience (and because a lovely friend pointed it out from her own experience) that if I didn't follow God's lead he would use force to remove me and that would be even more painful. 

It was hard to walk away knowing life would go on for everyone, without me.  It isn't easy giving up a job you love to someone else (even when you want nothing but success for them), it isn't easy to have three of your closest friends announce their pregnant and you know you won't be there to celebrate with them along the way.  It is hard to walk away knowing the best is yet to come for that place (I know it sounds selfish but I am being honest here).  But as hard as it was, I had to have faith in what The Grove had given me and step out in it.  I had to believe that God knew what he was doing and that the best was yet to come for me as well.

 So now, here I am and it is February.  Because this is a public forum all I will say is, the job was nothing like it should have been. The past 6 and a half months were an extreme struggle.  My poor family watched as I walked around in a zombie-like state attempting to figure out what had gone wrong.  No one knew what to do or say.  I didn't feel like myself and I didn't act like myself.

Everyone did their best to encourage me and I did my best to trust God that he had a plan.  For months, every church service I attended was based on the theme of "surviving trials" and I did my best to withstand the attacks.  I would hear that we shouldn't go around defeated and that we should be speaking about how great God was and how he was going to get me through.  These were all things I knew and believed in my heart but the "zombie" just wouldn't let it out of me.  I felt like I was being suffocated.  I wondered things like, "Where are you God", "How come every time I pray it gets harder instead of easier?" and "If I am praying against attacks why are they coming on even stronger?"

I began attending a church called True North and I felt strongly that I was supposed to be there.  They even had a Ladies' Comfort Food Night that reminded me so much of The Grove's Ladies' Chocolate Night (and ladies, they rocked it!! They even had guys valet parking our cars and waiting on our tables!).  The only problem was the "zombie" was taking so much of my energy I didn't have anything in me to get involved at church like I knew I should.  This I think added to the cycle.  Here I was a person who was so used to being involved at church, I was used to being the go-to person, the "go-for", the greeter and the kids' girl, I was used to knowing everything that was going on and used to knowing everyone.  All of a sudden, I was on the other side of it.  I was the guest, I was the person who didn't know what was going on, where I should be or who all the people were.  This was draining!!  But you know what? 

One Sunday morning (in January) I woke up and as I was getting ready for church I had a vision of myself as a plant (and I specifically thought bamboo, although I thought it was weird) that had been sitting in its pot just absorbing and absorbing and now it was time to grow, but not just grow, burst up.  It came back to me again during worship that morning and once more when the pastor began discussing John 15 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit..." A few weeks later I heard on the radio that Chinese bamboo trees show no growth for the first four years they are planted but then in one year (the fifth year) they grow 80 feet in one season.  It turns out during the first 4 years the tree was developing its underground root system. "Had the tree not developed a strong unseen foundation it could not have sustained its life as it grew."  After that Sunday, the themes in messages and my personal readings changed.  It was no longer about making it through the trial.  I had made it through the trial. The job had not changed but God finally had gotten me above the surface. 

Time after time, I said things like, "You know, God, I could have been waking up in Yellowstone today!" or "Why am I not in New Zealand?"  But God is funny, have you seen what happened in Australia two weeks ago?  There was a cyclone the same week I was supposed to be there. I am not saying I wouldn't have survived but it sure would have made for a bad trip.  So here is what I know, God has a purpose for me in New Jersey. I begged him for months to get me out of the situation I was in but also committed to giving my all as long as he wanted me there.  Finally, last week, he gave me the go ahead and I resigned.  I do not feel like a quitter because I know I gave it everything and I have amazing memories of moments with each child that let me know I did not fail.  I know God can and will take care of my children. 

As for what's up next in my life...

I have no clue. I know that I have very much enjoyed being around my family.  That has been a blessing!!  I love getting to love on my three little cousins and feel very strongly that they (especially the girls) need me to be here as an encouraging Christian female in their lives.  I have so many family members here that I get to now be part of their lives and I feel like that is part of the ministry God is currently calling me to. 

I know that I love The Grove and I miss my family there SO MUCH but I am also at peace now knowing that God has moved us all forward just like I knew he would.  For months I was that little bamboo plant and I felt like I was getting no where but I sprouted and shot up.  The "zombie" is gone and Catherine is back.  I just became co-captain of the greeting team (while the other captain takes some maternity time off) at True North, I am going on a ski trip next week, I am signed up for an Align class (which I am hoping will help me to continue to discover more about True North's vision), I am part of the new event planning team and I am in a reality group.  I am just getting started with all of this but it feels so great because these are the things that make me, me!

There are still many things I do not understand and I probably never will but I know God is good and I trust he has my best interests at heart.  So I don't really know what is next but I am believing big things for 2011, I know there are life changing miracles ahead because the best is yet to come!

"Your critics and those who would put you down are always limited by their own perspective, but you can create for yourself a perspective that is void of limitations!"
--Peter J. Daniels