"Life's Like This..."

I have this faint memory from the ninth grade. It was a Thursday in the Fall of 2001. I was in the girls' bathroom of the 800 building at AC Flora High School, a building that I'm pretty sure no longer exists.

This cute, little blond girl started talking to me. We had a class together but I didn't really know her. I was new to the district, new to the town, new to the state and new to the south. Basically, I was just new and I'm sure it was plastered all over me. I was 14 and clueless. Luckily, so was she. After all, who isn't in the ninth grade?

She invited me to go to opening day at the fair that night. I don't remember anything about it but I know we were almost instantly best friends.

One of my favorite memories is the afternoon we got out the video camera and choreographed a music video to Avril Lavigne's "Complicated," complete with costume changes and multiple settings (If I ever find it... I will post it). I swear this song seems to play on the radio much more often since she's been gone and every time I hear it I ache for one more chance to tell her how special she is. But still, I'm thankful to hear it because it gives me the chance to remember her carefree smile and laugh before the world came along with all of its destruction, let downs and heart break.

It's a moment I can look to and rid myself of the haunting memory of the pain that lingered behind each smile in her last few years. A pain that I knew existed and yet failed to find a way to remove.  For a moment, I'm taken back to innocence and ignorance. A time when we still had the chance to achieve every dream we'd ever dreamt. A time when we were responsible for nothing but homework.



*Brandi, saying "Happy Birthday" seems like such a bizarre thing to say today but either way you should know that you aren't forgotten and you are just as loved as ever.*

Dear Catherine, It's Me, God...

*So... did you think the last post was crazy? If you didn't read it, you must go read that first. Otherwise, this is pointless....  Ok, did you read it?  Ok, now get ready for some more crazy. Sometimes when I am writing... things come out on the paper that I did not plan to write.  Sometimes when I am on the treadmill at the gym or driving in the car, God tells me things. I have never heard him audibly but I still know he talks to me. After all, I am his daughter.  THIS is a compilation of things he has said to me in response to the compilation of my prayers in the earlier post. I told you it was crazy, but bear with me. I think you might be able to get something out of it.*


Hi Beautiful,

Remain patient. I know you are tired of hearing me say this. I know it frustrates you when you can't interpret my time table. So don't worry about it. Allow me to take care of everything. There are many factors coming into play that you are unaware of. Some of these things will be revealed in time but others will remain hidden.
I know it is hard but try not to trust your own instincts or emotions. They have become flawed by the world. Instead, seek my voice and listen to Wisdom. For you know your emotions have failed you every other time, my voice will never lead you astray.

I know you are wondering where he is or if he is currently in your life. I hear you asking, "What is my role in all of this? God, what do you want me to do? Does he even notice me the way I notice him?"

The answer has been here all along. You are my daughter and I am the King. You, my dear, do not have to do a thing. Allow me, as your father, to do everything. Any man worthy of my princess must seek me out first. I will share with him the plan for your lives. He will be overtaken by your heart and wonder because it reminds him of me. As he seeks me, I will reveal to him how to seek you.

On the days when you wonder how he will know to seek me, trust in knowing that the man I have chosen for you is full of wisdom and knows my voice.

Finally, my dear, be yourself, be yourself, be yourself! Be beautiful, be quirky, be vibrant. That is, after all, who I created you to be.

You are fun and love life. You are encouraging and loving. The man I have chosen is head over heels for you because of all of that.

When you are overwhelmed wondering what is taking him so long remember you have caught him off guard. In his eyes, you are a shooting star that just fell out of heaven and into his lap.

And Baby Girl (who knew God would call me that? I didn't), I know you want me to get started already and I have. You must remember to have respect for the long term goal. In order to finish the race, you must take every step of every mile along the way. And yes, as you know from your running experience, it requires your full participation along the way.

Princess, I am so proud of you. Keep moving forward and pursuing your calling. Keep chasing me. There is a reason you have been called to this time alone. This task requires all of you.

Love

Dear God, It's Me, Catherine

*I realize I might regret this but I believe in being honest and I really hope it can help others to be as well. This is a combination of prayers I have written and spoken. Some are from a little while back and some are more recent.*



Dear God!!!!!

      Would you please tell me what is going on?   Is anything going on?  I guess it could be nothing. You said, "Be Patient."

       You said, "I'm going to teach some men how to pursue and you are going to learn patience along the way."

        Well, I've been learning a lot about patience over the years and I'm just curious, when do the pursuit lessons begin? How long could you possibly intend for this lesson to last? I guess I don't have enough patience yet.

        You keep telling me to allow you to take care of everything but the world says I should be proactive. The world keeps telling me to take matters into my own hands. You keep telling me just to trust you. You keep trying to remind me that I can't see what you see.

         God, how will I ever learn to trust my heart? It has failed me so many times in the past. Will you give me your instincts and your eyes? Help me remember, I don't need to be his best friend. He does not need to know everything.

          God, I say I want to know what is going on but honestly, I don't. I know I whine a lot but I like it this way. It's difficult at times but I wouldn't trade this experience for anything. I look at it like Christmas. I know the present is coming and I know it's going to be AMAZING and I can't wait to know what it is but I really do want to wait.  I'm sorry for whining, I really do trust you to do your thing.

          In the mean time, thanks for giving me the opportunity to live in the unknown. Help me not to miss a moment of it.

                                                                                              Love, Catherine

*Be on the lookout for part two.  "Dear Catherine, It's Me, God"*


*Disclaimer: I just want to make sure I am being clear.  This is in no way a complaint that there are not amazing guys all around me. I am not whining. I am not asking for anything different. I do not want nor need a change of scenery. That would only add more guys to the list of incredible friends. I am simply being honest about something we all (guys and girls) whine about at times.*