A Letter To My Non-Christian Friends

Dear Friends,

If you know me, it's probably fair to say you know I'm a Christian (and a fairly odd one at that). This letter is not a trick to convert you but an effort to understand how to respect you, support you and love you better.

I'm always thinking and my brain is always running (even now, after the lights are out and I'm lying in bed). Often I've wondered, "How am I portraying myself? My passions? My beliefs? My values?" And "How am I being interpreted?" I imagine it isn't often the way in which I intended. 

Besides the fact that I volunteer with an organization called XXXCHURCH and spend my free time at porn conventions, I'm a fairly odd Christian because I can't say I always see things in the same way many other Christians do. There are some things I'm completely confident in while others I just can't wrap my head around. I'm often thrown by the arrogant way in which many Christians draw their lines in the sand on issues that I find blurry and confusing. In these moments, I imagine how much more frustrated I would be if I were you. I think of all the things I would like to say to these people and I wonder what you would say if we, Christians, would ever bother to humble ourselves enough to listen, what would you want to say? What would you want the Christians in your life to know or understand? 

I don't know if anyone else will bother to reflect upon your answers, but I can tell you now that I would consider it an honor. 

Thank you for being my friends!

Love,

Catherine 

Did You Know?

I've Simply Forgotten

Over the weekend, I had the chance to listen to an abridged audio version of Donald Miller's Through Painted Deserts that I got for free here on Noise Trade. It's fabulous and I highly recommend it. Through Painted Deserts is "a road trip memoir about three months spent crossing the country in a VW camping van, wondering out loud if there is more to life than nine to five jobs and ruts the entire world seems to be stuck in." Today as I was driving home from work I turned it back on and this particular scene jumped out at me:

My life, this gift I have been given, has been wasted so far. Attempting to answer meaningless questions. Recently I have come to believe there are more important questions than "how" questions. "How to get money? How to get laid? How do I become happy? How do I have fun?"On one of our trips to central Texas, I stood at the top of a desert hill and looked out at the endless heavens and as it had a few times that year, my mind fell across the question, "Why?" The rising question of why had been manifesting for some time. Our skyscrapers and sports teams, our malls and our master planned neighborhoods, our sultry media promising ecstasy with every use of specific dishwashing detergent. What did all of this mean? 

...It wasn't just my faith that was being shaken. I began to wonder what personal ideas I believed that weren't true. I believed I wasn't athletic enough, too stupid. I believed I had to go to college; I believed the Astros were a more important team than the Mets; that $50 jeans were better than jeans that cost 30. I looked up at the cosmos and it had no scientific proof that any of this was true. The cosmos was just spinning around up there as if to create beauty for beauty's sake, paying no attention to the frivolity of mankind. And I liked the cosmos, I liked it very much. It seemed it understood something, perhaps humanity did not understand. I confess I wanted to believe life was bigger, larger than my presuppositions. I started wondering if life was something different than I thought it was, if there was some kind of raging beauty a person could find, that he could get caught in the why of life...

How often do we forget to contemplate the why of life and whether the way we live our lives or spend our time matters? At the end of the day, do we assess our productivity? I don't mean did we keep busy but did our efforts produce fruit? Did I invest energy and time into my dreams in a way that will lead to harvest down the road or did I simply day dream about that vision as I drove home from work? Did I make time for someone in need, putting aside self centered thoughts and thinking about others or did I dismiss that phone call because I just didn't feel like having to lend a listening ear? Did I choose to rest in a means that left my soul rejuvenated or did I crash in front of the TV? Did I feed my strength or starve my soul?

It seems to me, we only really assess our productivity when the end of the year rolls around and we begin to contemplate new resolutions or maybe on our birthdays as we realize another year has passed us by.

As I examine my own productivity and get real with myself for the first time in a while, I see that I'm full of excuses. "I'm just too busy. I'm doing everything I can," "I'm afraid of failing, afraid to actually try because I'm afraid I have no idea what I'm doing and will mess the entire thing up if I try," "I'm not spiritual enough. I don't pray enough. I shouldn't act on anything else until I figure that part of my life out," "I'm not good enough. Look at everyone else and how successful they are.  She's got a book deal and she's being booked for speaking engagements, radio spots and meetings with politicians."

Somewhere along the way I have forgotten to believe in myself. I've forgotten this wasn't my idea but God's. I've forgotten He is the author of time and if He is asking me to do something then He is going to make the time.  I have forgotten I can not fail at a task that He has set before me. I have forgotten He only calls the broken and flawed to impossible tasks outside their realm of expertise. I have forgotten that being "spiritual" is a bunch of crap and that the only way to move closer to God is to keep moving forward and let Him pull me in and move my heart.

It seems, in the end, my only excuse is that I have forgotten.

Dear Devin - Day One

Dear Devin-

I've decided to start a new section on my blog in honor of you. Per your request, I will begin recording my strange anecdotes... because let's be real, getting up to do a monologue between the band's sets at the Brewery probably wouldn't have gone over very well.  I make no promises that this will happen on a regular basis... actually, I make no guarantee it will even happen a second time but here goes...

I think I may have messed up my neck tonight... I went to the Brewery to watch The Grove Band. I was surprised to see so many people I know there since I texted 65 people about the show and only 5 responded... but that has nothing to do with my neck. So towards the end of the night, someone (couldn't have been you, right?) suggested Stephen and I perform our critically acclaimed Foot Loose dance number. You know, the one that Kevin Bacon asked me to teach him.  It got way out of hand, people started taking our picture, the band stopped and offered us their tip jar, and at one point I think we developed some groupies who were getting just a bit too close for comfort. As fabulous as it was, once we stopped I realized my neck was starting to hurt. This was frustrating since I just went to the chiropractor this morning. Which reminds me... on the way to the Chiropractor, I got pulled over for speeding and not wearing my seatbelt (I won't argue the former, but the latter is ridiculous!).... But I will stop there because the point of this story was the dancing.

I am exhausted, my legs hurt and my feet were black from "kicking off the Sunday shoes" but all in all it was a fabulous night in Bryson City! Maybe next time you can join us and "cut loose"!

And this concludes "Dear Devin-Day One".

Love,
Catherine

P.S.
Please be sure to let Stephen know that I washed my feet and "Day 2, 3, 4, and 5" will not be including the statement, "Dear Devin - Day 5: My feet are still black."

P.P.S.
I may have exaggerated some of this story but overall that's how my night went...

My Friend, Liz Nance!

 How do you write about one of the most talented and creative writers/artists you know and expect it to match up to who they truly are?  

I don't have her way with words or her stroke with a paintbrush. But Liz Nance, is one of my favorite people. We've known each other for years, see each other all the time yet barely ever hang out. I was drawn to her from the moment I met her and didn't know why. Didn't know we'd become a family of sorts. On occasion, I am blessed by a random run-in that allows us to sit down and actually talk-about life, faith, challenges, loving people (when it's easy and when it is hard) and decision making. These moments are few and far between (for no good reason other than we both get distracted with life) but when they arise I'm always blown away by how deep her heart is, how strong her passion is and how joyful her spirit is. 

Liz is peaceful. She isn't loud or pushy (which is quite the opposite of me) and she shares her spirit with those around her. Every time I walk away from a conversation with Liz I feel refreshed and grateful that I know such a unique woman. But maybe more importantly (or maybe just because I'm selfish) I walk away with even more confidence in my self. There's something brave about Liz that makes you want to be brave. She matches the original description of Eve, "Ezer Kenegdo", a life saver coming through for those in need when there is no other hope. She was meant to be life saving and life giving. She inspires those around her to see the world and themselves more deeply and that's why she is one of my favorite people. 

Here's to you Liz and all the love and insight you (and AJ) have to offer the world!! Thanks for being my friend! 

Love Compels You To Do What?!

"So what's the deal with you and porn? Why do you go into porn shows?"

This is a very common question these days and I love it because it means I get to talk about something I am passionate about. I always do my best to answer but I don't always think I am getting my point across and after a friend of mine posted this picture of protestors at the Miami Convention this weekend I thought, "Wow, this picture really is worth a thousand words." I'd love to tell you the reason I feel so compelled to go into porn shows is so I don't get confused with this guy and although that's true, my reasoning goes so much deeper. 

God is all about relationship. He came into our messy, dirty world so we could know Him. He came to talk, to hug, to listen, to encourage, to offer Hope. He didn't stand outside people's homes and jobs telling them how horrible they were as they came and went. He climbed into their boats and went fishing with them. He entered their homes and reclined on their couches. He sat at their tables, ate with them and spent the night. 

I go IN TO porn shows, volunteer at the XXXCHURCH booth, walk around and hang out at other booths because it gives me the opportunity to build relationships with and get to know these girls. It gives me the chance to look them in the eye, learn their names (sometimes even their real names), put myself on their level and show them I don't think they're dirty. I get to become their friend and show them I really care by remembering them (and their name and the things they shared) the next time I see them.  And in the process, I earn the right to be heard without ever having to push my agenda because the only thing on my agenda is to hug, to listen, to encourage and to offer Hope and Love. As I listen, they share their stories and their hardships. They tell me what's it's really like working in this "glamorous" industry.  They share their dreams, their fears and their doubts. They tell me what they hear as they pass the picketers outside and how it makes them feel.  They ask me questions about my faith and what Jesus really thinks about them and I get to tell them because I was willing to cross the street and enter those dark doors.

I guess you could say, "I go into porn shows because Extravagant LOVE compels me to LOVE Extravagantly."


Want to help support this type of LOVE? I'm always fundraising and you can donate here. 
Have questions? Please ask! I LOVE talking about this!

Reconciliation

"Like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be recovered, so we must die. But that is not what God desires; rather, he devises ways so that a banished person does not remain banished from him."
-2 Samuel 14:14 NIV

God has been pursuing mankind with demonstrations of grace and love since the beginning of time. Jesus was the ultimate demonstration and final sacrifice.

Be Fearless

"I've told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I've conquered the world."

--John 16:32-33 MSG

Everybody's Got 'Em

My last post was in July. But now that I'm back from Australia I'm working on putting together an update for you all and mulling over ideas for remembering to say more on here. Stay tuned!

And while you're waiting, check out XXXCHURCH.com so you can get resourced and learn a little more about what we were doing in Australia.