I am....

I am a passionate woman.
I wonder if there is more.
I hear the cries of the broken hearted.
I see the desperation behind their eyes.
I want to make a difference.
I am a passionate woman.
I pretend that I have it all together and 
I feel at times I do.
I touch the stars and hope to change their paths.
I worry my efforts will be in vain.
I cry because I feel small.
I am a passionate woman.
I understand the world is broken.
I say,"There is more, so much more!"
I dream of doing something that matters.
I try to be so many things I am not.
I hope for the things unseen.
I am a passionate woman.



*When I was in college, we were asked to write an "I am" poem by following a template. I never seriously got around to writing the poem. Yesterday, I discovered my sophomores did this activity and I was really inspired by their beautiful work. It made me come home and work on it.*

"All Men Are Dogs" Pt. 2

To my Awesome and Incredible Non Dog Guy Friends All Around The World,

Because apparently some of you missed the point earlier and because I'm tired of men getting a bad rap. I would  just like to reiterate how blessed I am to be friends with you.

You are some of the greatest guys on Earth. You are genuine and pure hearted but still human. You make mistakes and let me and other people down at times (I know I do too) but your intentions are always honorable. You respect me and all of the women in your life.  You don't just believe in watching your mouth in front of women and children but at all times. You don't put on an act in this matter and I love how real that is.  You pursue a pure and honorable lifestyle even when no one is looking. That is such an attractive quality.
You not only treat me as a sister but as someone else's future wife. Your words, actions and choices show your thoughtfulness for a man, you and I most likely don't even know yet.

The world throws a lot at you, it tells you all the things that will supposedly make you a man but you laugh in the world's face because you know who you are and what you value.

Because of each one of you, the guys who have changed what I believe I deserve and what I believe is possible, the bar is constantly being raised. Thank you for that. Thank you for valuing the women in your life.

You have no idea what it means to us!

Love,
Catherine

P.S.
And for those of you who brought up the different breeds of dogs, a dog is still a dog and "No, I do not want a Poodle or a Pomeranian. I want a man! And no, I do not want a pit bull, that is also not a man."

P.P.S.
And just so you know you guys crack me up and I love you!

"All Men Are Dogs"

I can't tell you how many times I have heard this phrase or even how long I believed it.  I can, for some strange reason, remember walking down the street in late elementary school and my dad saying it.  He wasn't the first to say it and he wasn't the last. 

For years, I just accepted this statement as the truth.  It wasn't long before I began reading between the lines to the hidden messages this joke insinuates, "All men are dogs = All men think and care about is sex, boobs, porn and maybe food.  This is common knowledge about men, they are simple and this is all that matters to them.  Don't ever think of expecting anything more than this from them."

Unfortunately, the message I, and so many other young girls and women, began to believe was, "Don't expect anything from men." and "If you have boobs and a nice butt you are worth something to them. So use it.  Use it to gain attention, use it to gain control, use it to receive love and affirmation. Use it." 

What happens when a girl grows up believing "All men are dogs"?  It is really quite simple, she expects little or nothing from men.  She doesn't expect to be respected or honored because she has never been shown what it looks like or been shown that she deserves it.  She doesn't know to create high standards of expectation because she doesn't know there is something better to wait for.  She doesn't know the value of remaining pure when every guy she meets tells her and shows her there is no value in it.  When you grow up believing "All men are dogs" you do not know that it is okay to desire something more, to expect more. 

When you believe that "All men are dogs" you may believe that you deserve something better and you very likely will want something better, however you will never believe that you can have something better because you believe that all men are the same and that "something better" does not exist. 

I wish thirteen (to nineteen) year old me knew what I know now.  I wish thirteen year old me knew "Not all men are dogs" and that one day she would meet some incredible guys.  Not just incredible guys to date (there have been two or three of them and I love them dearly!) but incredible guys to play the role of father and grandfather, incredible guys to play the role of a big brother or little brother, incredible guys to be uncles and incredible guys to model the role of a husband.  I wish thirteen year old me knew not to waste my time, energy or heart on the dogs.  I wish thirteen year old me knew to relish in the expectancy of what was to come. 

A Side Note

The fact of the matter is, some men really are dogs and just don't care.  Others are dogs just because they think that is what makes them a man.  They are believing the lie, "all men are dogs" in a way similar to the way women are believing it.  I am not an expert on this part because I am not a guy.  If any of you who are men want to share something from that perspective, I would love to hear it. 

I also realize that some men might be asking the question, "Am I a dog?" or denying the fact that they are dogs by comparing themselves to a bigger dog.  I'm not going to get into this right now but just realize, you are probably only fooling yourself.

 

A Challenge

If you are a guy, I have some questions for you. If you are a girl, your challenge is in the next paragraph.  Men, what are you doing to prove to the women around you (daughters, wives, mothers, sisters, cousins, coworkers and supermarket clerks) that "Not all men are dogs"?  What are you doing to protect their hearts? Remember, no one ever follows the old saying "Do as I say, not as I do" and it is proven that "Actions really do speak louder than words." If you tell your daughter or sister not to settle for a dog but you yourself are behaving like a dog, you can guarantee she will settle.  Show her what to expect through your values and actions.  Something that really scares me about some men is that you just might be ok with your daughter picking a dog because if she found someone to cherish and respect her, you would feel convicted and challenged.

Ladies, are you honoring the men (who are not dogs) in your life?  Are you taking the time to appreciate them?  Do you realize how hard they work to honor and respect you, to fight off the messages that the world sends them?  They aren't immune to the temptations of the world and they aren't wimps but they choose something better out of love and respect for you and me. As they struggle with the temptations that the world throws at them, are you working against them or looking for ways that you can make it a little easier?  Telling dirty jokes, dressing in skimpy clothes and picking out inappropriate movies are all ways we make life more difficult for them.  Don't let their efforts and beautiful hearts go unnoticed.


Finally, don't allow the girls and women in your life to continue believing "All men are dogs".  We so often get annoyed with guys that we say things we don't mean while talking to our girlfriends. Beware of the messages that your words are sending out not only to your friends but to listening ears. 
 

True Story

A while back I was riding in the car with my Aunt and her three youngest children.  At the time they were three, seven and nine.  The two oldest are girls.  I happened to be complaining to my aunt about this guy I was talking to and how confusing he was being.  In a joking but frustrated way I concluded my rant with an exasperated, "I don't know. Boys are just stupid."  Right then and there, my seven year old cousin replied, "That isn't nice, Catherine.  You shouldn't call people stupid." 

Talk about a slap in the face. Just as much as I would never want my little cousins to grow up believing the generalization that "All guys are dogs," I wouldn't want them thinking that "Boys are just stupid." I want them to grow up honoring men, their brothers and their father.  I want them to see the talent behind these men and how hard they work. I also want them to honor and respect their classmates.  I don't want them to grow up thinking they are better or smarter than anyone else.  I am so thankful that she responded to my statement in the way she did.  If she had not, I might not have realized the messages I was sending out.

Thank You

Finally, I just want to say thank you to all the guys who have been part of recreating my image of men.  You are AWESOME and you are greatly appreciated! If it wasn't for you, I would still be believing a lie.  I love you all! 



Ten Years Later...

I am a very sentimental person.  I love looking through old pictures and journals or reading notes that I passed with my friends in high school.  I love reminiscing and I just want to cherish every experience and laugh with the people who are part of those memories.  But people are important to me and no matter what, I am still a “remember when” type of girl.  At times, I have even been mistaken for living in the past when really I just appreciate my life experiences so much that I do not want to forget them and I appreciate each one (even the tough ones).

So naturally, I often randomly think about what my life was like five or ten years ago.  It just so happens that now, this weekend, the thought holds a stronger significance.  Where was I on September 11^th, 2001 and who was I?   I can’t say that I was personally impacted or knew someone who was impacted but I can look at what I learned about myself and people through the experience. 

I’d been in high school for just over a month and had so much to learn.  I was insecure and completely oblivious. I had only been living in the south for a little over a year and was still getting used to the different culture and belief systems (but that, my friends, is a whole different topic).  Although I was only 14, I had already bought into the lie that my value and significance came from guys.  If guys (even ones I didn’t like and found to be annoying) paid me attention, if they were trying to talk to me or get me to date them, then it gave me power and a sense of being worth something.   I was worth time and energy, I was desired and I was wanted (even if it was just to show off).  Man, was I a dope!

So on September 11^th, I went to school like every other day.  My first class was Russian from 8-9:30.  We were in the 800 building (a building that as far as I know no longer even exists) at A.C. Flora High School in a classroom the size of a closet.  Louis, Molly, Jamie and Brandi are among the people I remember being there with me and we were cut off from the world, completely oblivious of anything that was going on around us.  At 9:30, we switched classes and there was a buzz in the air.  Something was off but we still had no clue.  Math with Coach Jackson began at 9:36 and I walked into the room completely unaware of why the television was on and the Coach was just sitting at his desk staring into space.  People weren’t quiet but they weren’t loud, they were just sort of fuzzy.  Some, most likely the ones who actually understand, were extremely shaken up while others, more like me, just couldn’t seem to grasp what the big deal was.  

I was fourteen years, selfish and unaware, living in my own little world.  I sat at my desk with two of my closest friends, Rey and Joseph, as people whispered about the images on the TV screen mounted above the door.  I was being told that an airplane crashed into a tower in NYC and another crashed into an important government building in Washington D.C.  I feel like an idiot now but I just didn’t get it.  I couldn’t comprehend someone doing this on purpose.  The terms “hijacked” and “terrorist” meant nothing to me. I didn’t understand someone had done this deliberately, I also didn’t understand that there were people on the planes or that there were thousands of people in those buildings.  My brain wasn’t processing that.  I only saw it as an accidental fire and I couldn’t understand why this was news to stop school, didn’t planes crash all the time?  But then, another plane came crashing in and I understood it wasn’t an accident.

Coach Jackson kept picking up the phone and trying to make a phone call but it wasn’t going through.  Our big, funny, tough guy teacher was terrified and we didn’t know why.  We later discovered that his sister worked next door to the Pentagon and he couldn’t get her to pick up her phone.

I don’t remember anything else from the school day.  My memories from math class are vivid but the rest of the day is a blank.  I imagine we must have continued to watch the news and discuss it in my other classes, especially since they were ROTC and History. 

Now that I think about it, I probably don’t have any memories from History class because the boy I liked was in that class and I can tell you for sure that he was just as stupid as me.  Not one of us had a clue about the significance of that day.  Or maybe he did but he just really didn’t care.  It is hard to say but I do remember sitting on my front porch that night talking to him on the phone.  He told me that his little sister (who was a year or two younger than me) was glued to the television and she was “making this huge deal about everything”.   As he mocked her, I remember feeling as if I knew better, that his words were cruel and that I would be much better off watching the news than talking to him.  But I continued right along with my conversation and even pulled the “so when are you going to ask me to be your girlfriend already?” card.  That’s right ladies and gentlemen; I was so self-absorbed that in the midst of destruction, heartache and devastation I felt it necessary to get this boy that I had been flirting with to be my boyfriend.  I am ashamed to say that my biggest care of the day was whether we would officially start dating.  It was all about me. 

Now ten years later, I don’t know that girl anymore.   That relationship only lasted about a month but it was one of the ugliest experiences I have ever had with a guy.  I wish I could tell you I got a clue right after that breakup but I didn’t.  The experience only added fuel to the flame of the lies I believed about my worth.  It has been ten years since September 11^th, the first five years I spent believing lies about how little I was worth and learning to dream small so as not to be disappointed. The five years after that were spent uncovering the truth about who I am, learning to identify lies and counterfeit thoughts and discovering what I was created for and where my purpose and value comes from.

At times I can still be pretty selfish but I have learned to look out instead of in.  Now, my greatest pleasure does come from serving those around me.  I have found that through reaching out, I form the greatest bonds and memories.

I realize this is not the typical September 11^th but I wasn’t directly impacted and I will not pretend I was. That would be wrong.  However, I am an American and this is my redemption story.

Be Naive!

"What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?"

-Unknown

Part II

Remember when you were a kid and you used to dream about being an astronaut, princess, football player, acrobat or ________? Remember when you didn't understand logic and you would simply ask, "WHY?" because you didn't like something about the world? Remember when you had simple solutions to the world's biggest problems because you just didn't think things needed to be that complicated.

As I was saying in my previous post, "Do You Enjoy It?" the above quote always makes my insides scream for something more.  It makes me want to dream for more, to expect more and to live more. I also can't help but wonder if we have come to a point where we no longer allow ourselves to dream, question and ask, "what if" because we are afraid of being hurt when things don't work out, we are afraid of taking risks, afraid of the unknown, afraid of the free fall, afraid of tripping and getting scraped up, afraid of failing.

Do you remember when you would get frustrated with the adults who told you that you were just being "naive" or that "one day you would understand"?  Do you remember when you used to look at adults and wonder why they seemed so hopeless, why they never dreamt? Do you remember promising yourself that you would never become like them, that you would never stop dreaming, stop trying to change the world?  What happened?
So now I will ask you again, "What would you attempt to do if you knew  you could not fail?"  Would you really just fly around?  What if the question was that you could do ONE thing without failing, what would it be?  Would you try to meet someone or tackle a large issue? How would you use your one thing to change the world?   How would the world be different?  What if we began thinking like children again? What if we took back our naivety and took on the world?  And what if these weren't just "what ifs"? What if we all had the ability to do one thing without failing? And what if we actually acted on it?

Do You Enjoy It?

"What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?"

-Unknown

Part I

I recently posted this question as a status update on Facebook.  The responses I got were pretty tame. Some people said things like, "Fly" or "Anything, just because I could" while others simply "liked" it.  I remember feeling a little disappointed that not one of my friends even dared for a minute to think outside the box.  I knew it was simply just another sentence on their news feed but I was disappointed because it made me feel like I was the only one who's insides were screaming for something more.   

I can't help but wonder if we have come to a point where we no longer allow ourselves to dream, question and ask, "what if" because we are afraid of being hurt when things don't work out, we are afraid of taking risks, afraid of the unknown, afraid of the free fall, afraid of tripping and getting scraped up. 

Or is it that we've become too busy? Are we so wrapped up in our everyday lives, in all the things that are so important to us that we don't even have time to appreciate them?  I have this friend who is extremely talented, passionate and hard working but lately it seems that his life has been overtaken by all these things he "has to do," things that he loves and things that he has chosen for his life but at the same time something just seems off.  I recently asked him, "Do you enjoy it?" and at first his response made me feel a little better, "Deep down I am. It's just hard to realize because of everything else." But some time later I began to feel like something was off with that answer.  You see, here is this guy who is "living the dream," setting himself up for a successful future and doing things he always dreamed of but he can't fully enjoy because he is stretched out in so many different directions.  What good are blessings if we have turned them into burdens? What good are these blessings if we can not fully engage in them because of all the other responsibilities in our lives that we are afraid to let go of?

Individual blessings usually come along only for a period of time (some longer and shorter than others).  For example, college, jobs (and unemployment), trips, relationships (even the different stages of relationships), babies, children, vacations, living in a certain area, engagements, weddings, etc.  And I can't help but feel like most of the time we allow ourselves to be robbed of the pleasure God intends for us to find in that blessing because we don't make it a priority.  We often recognize the blessing but then put it on the same playing field as every other aspect of our lives.  We practically make it mundane.  We even say things like, "Oh, this is going by so fast." or "I wish I had more time or energy to focus on _____." But we do nothing about it.  We don't sit down and make a plan.  We don't look at the different stories our lives are writing and decide which ones need to be cut out (Thanks, Caleb for this line).  We just keep on going.  We tell ourselves to enjoy the moment, to live in it and not rush but our actions say otherwise. 

So now, I have to ask you a question, "Are you enjoying it? Are you glad you are doing it?" If your answer isn't "YES!", if your answer is more like, "Yes, but I hardly realize it" then PLEASE stop and do something about it.  Make some changes.  Do something different, step back from something if you need to.  Take control of your schedule and manage your time better.  Do something different so you can enjoy the blessings you have been given right now.  Because before you know it, they will be gone. 

 Just A Little Something Extra....

Are you a newlywed couple that just can't wait to have kids? Why? Do you realize you have your whole lives ahead of you? Have you taken the time to enjoy your spouse and this season of your lives together? If you can't figure out how to enjoy them how will you ever learn to truly enjoy your children? You only get this season of your life once, don't rush through it. Don't forget to enjoy it.

Are you engaged? Why are you rushing everything? Why do you feel the need to get married yesterday? I understand you are excited, believe me I do and I am sure I would be right there with you but seriously, you only get this ONCE! Relish in the moment. Be excited! Live out each moment and experience it fully. This is your time.

Oh, college student! My goodness, enjoy it! Go to class and LEARN! Take advantage of all the opportunities in front of you. Meet people! Leave your shell and comfort zone behind and build relationships. Quit counting down the days and years till graduation. You only get this once, appreciate the people around you and go crazy!

And to "all the single ladies (and gentlemen)," can we please just relax? We have the rest of our lives ahead of us. I know the child in you is feeling "SO OLD!" but seriously we are in this season for a reason and there is still so much fun to be had! Let's embrace it! Let's learn to enjoy every aspect of it (including the Friday nights at home and wedding invites with no "plus one") so that when the next blessing comes along we will be ready for it, we will know how to embrace and appreciate that season.


(A few weeks later:  Just read this article from Relevant and thought it really applies to this topic.   http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/whole-life/features/26793-the-pride-of-busyness)

If Your Life Were A Movie...

Person #1: "How was the movie last night?"

Person #2: "It was good. We enjoyed it but the plot really wandered at times...  It was worth watching but was missing something.  ...It wasn't worth five stars and well, I wouldn't really give it four stars either.  I guess it would be three stars.  I liked the storyline, it just wandered..."

Sounds like a pretty average conversation, right? But just this once something jumped out at me. After hearing her response, I thought, "WOW! Isn't that life?!"

How many people are settling for a "three stars" kind of life? It isn't really bad but it isn't really great.  It's just ok enough to get comfortable.  If it was bad, we might actually be motivated to do something about it. And if it were really great, we would be out shouting about it like we do with all the great films we watch.

Think about what is happening when the plot of a movie wanders.  The storyline is missing the point and straying from fulfilling its purpose.  Is the storyline of your life wandering?  Are you missing the point or are you fulfilling your purpose? How many stars would your film receive?