(This is another one written from my phone so please forgive the grammatical errors)
For years I've felt like I'm supposed to write a book. As much as I don't feel like a writer I've felt called to share my story. I've struggled many times to begin writing. I've written various introductions and I've had many conversations with God asking Him, "How am I supposed to do this? I'm not a writer!" And even bigger than all that, "God! How am I supposed to write about this topic, these things when I haven't even conquered it/them myself yet?"
Here are some conclusions that I've come to....
Number One:
God said, "You will write a book". He never said, "You will write a book today." My story isn't finished yet. He isn't finished yet. He's still writing the story and I can't write it until he has revealed it to me and equipped me to write.
Number Two:
It's okay that I'm not the expert on anything. The calling in my heart is to tell MY story and on that I am an expert (sometimes). My story like so many other women's is one of vulnerability, of weakness, of tears and confusion, of struggle, pain and heartbreak. But also joy and laughter, of hope and encouragement. My story is a battle, my story is one without answers, my story is a victory. My story is just that, my story.
Number Three:
Sometimes the story we want to write is not the story God wants to write. I mean this in the literal sense and also in the metaphorical sense. First, I've been trying to write this book, trying to piece it all together, assuming that I know the point the story should make but really if I step back for a moment I realize that God didn't reveal that to me yet, I just went running ahead. And metaphorically, it's almost exactly the same. I go through life and God gives me one clue, one piece of the puzzle (with school, friends, jobs and guys) and I get so excited that I immediately begin to run ahead (can somebody say this girl needs patience and pacing!?!) without the rest of the information, without instructions, without God!!
I'm like the little kid in class (here comes Ms. Smith) that as soon as the teacher introduces the project they are immediately tearing things apart, cutting, gluing, writing, etc. The kid often doesn't even hear the first word of the instructions and then they wonder what went wrong or say, "But you never told me that!" And of course the teacher says, "If you had been listening you would have heard me say it twice." It usually takes the kid a few times to learn their lesson. Maybe now after a few "screwed up projects" I'm learning to have patience and find a balance between the excitement and waiting for instructions.
So whether you're literally writing a book or if you're just not sure what the next step is in life remember that sometimes the story we want to write is not the same one He wants to write. My advice to you (and myself) is to aim for the one he is writing. I've always found he does a much better job than me.
